civility |

I thought a lot about civility a few weeks ago when I was in Toronto for an LCC Alumni reunion. On a Thursday morning, all the newspaper boxes in the city screamed with headlines about the same story: a mid-30’s man had recently verbally assaulted a female TV reporter at an MLS Soccer game. The man had launched a raunchy string of suggestive comments that were aggressive and pornographic in nature. The woman reporter stopped videoing her story and calmly confronted the man and his gaggle of moronic friends who quietly supported him by their inaction. Meanwhile, of course, a passerby videoed the whole incident and sent it to the local media. Within hours, the male aggressor was identified and was publicly “outed”. He was embarrassed by the utter stupidity of his actions, and very swiftly fired by Hydro One, the Ontario Power utility where he worked, for violating ethical norms and expectations of the company – even though his acts of stupidity did not occur while he was at work. His face appeared on the cover of every major Toronto newspaper that Thursday morning. His life and reputation were completely shattered.

So what has happened to civility, accountability and empathy? The problem seems to be that people are prone to do silly or outrageous things when hiding in a group setting or behind the veil of the faceless Internet. Unfortunately, pressing send is impersonal; it never allows you to see the response of a recipient – and how a comment or image makes them feel as a person.

So an important reminder: whether part of a group activity or hiding behind the mask of the Internet, we are each still responsible for our own behaviour. No matter what, civility, respect, and accountability need to remain our foundations and never somehow disappear when you hide for a moment.

Being prepared to walk in the shoes of others helps us build a stronger sense of identity by learning from others and growing by being exposed to cultural or gender differences. That respect for difference helps build empathy and can lead to better judgment. Civility is the glue that is critical to the welfare of us all in society – no exceptions. I recently asked our high school students to talk about this issue together. I urged them to each to avoid being one of those unfortunate souls who helps chip away at civility. It’s neither funny nor cool; without defending civility we all lose. — Chris Shannon, Headmaster

I want my political leaders to do a lot of things for me. I want them to manage the economy; to deliver good educational programs; to provide health care, pensions, good highways, museums, parks, etc. But, often not considered—I want the politicians to be leaders of “character.” We can argue about how effectively one political party supports health care or highways, and we can differ in opinions about who is a good politician or not. Unfortunately, however, it’s pretty clear that most politicians don’t provide us with behaviour representing good character. This is especially true during an election campaign.

I think that as educators and parents we have a problem. Politics do not emphasize civility. Civility is behaving politely, calmly and reasonably even during heated debates. Civility means that we do not engage in personal attacks or harassment. Civility means we should treat each other with consideration and respect.

Yet our politicians speak in very disrespectful ways to, and about, their opponents. They stretch the truth and pretend ignorance when their misrepresentations are pointed out. They would have us believe that their opponents could ruin the country. They support “attack” ads. They continually represent bad character.

We teach our children/students to speak civilly to one another. We teach them to problem solve when relationships come into conflict. We have honour codes in schools emphasizing respect and consideration towards others. At home we don’t allow our children to speak disrespectfully to us as parents. We teach students about tolerance of opposing points of view. We work very hard in schools to shape a civil environment. We want our homes to be civil as well.

How are we to explain to our children/students that our leaders do not have to adhere to the same expectations that are required of us as children, students, co-workers, spouses, employees, etc? Do we say: “that’s politics?” Do we tell our children that this is not the way one should behave? One student pointed out to me that if students behaved the way that politicians behave they’d be sent to the office for a discussion about appropriate behaviour and if that behaviour persisted they might face disciplinary actions.

If the lack of civility in politics bothers me and if I want good characters to lead our country, whom do I vote for? I will exercise my right to participate in this democracy, but this ethical dilemma is challenging.—John Gordon, School Counsellor

Tag Archives: civility

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